Thursday, August 29, 2019

The Jackson Family's Top 142 Songs Ranked (Disc Five)

Don't think of the scores as a grading system, e.g. 7/10 = 70% = C-. Here, 70% means that the song is better than 70% of all other possible music. And don't @ me. There's a lot of awful music; I've written over 300 songs.

62. Michael Jackson, "Scream" (1995) 8.2/10
It was the most expensive video ever made. And it might have the most star-power per square minute.

61. The Jackson 5, "I’ll Be There" (1970) 8.2/10
I just realized that the first line is a bit much.

60. The Jackson 5, "Maybe Tomorrow" (1971) 8.21/10

59. The Jacksons, "This Place Hotel" (1980) 8.23/10
Elvis actually thought that people would be confused . . . .

58. Janet Jackson, "Spending Time With You" (2004) 8.24/10
Post-super bowl Janet got buried.

57. The Jackson 5, "Give Love on Christmas Day" (1970) 8.25/10
An amazing original.

56. Janet Jackson, "Escapade" (1989) 8.26/10
A five minute smile.

55. Janet Jackson, "When I Think of You" (1986) 8.26/10
The video has a thousand actors and dancers, camera following--one take.

54. Jermaine Jackson, "Tell Me I’m not Dreaming" (1984) 8.27/10
Jermaine's best song is a "Michael" song you've never heard (hehehe).

53. The Jacksons, Torture (1984) 8.27/10
Jermaine does not appear. Michael does not appear. This could be the best work by the brothers.

52. Michael Jackson, "Earth Song" (1995) 8.27/10
Michael warned us about the Amazon burning 24 years ago in this corny af song.

51. Michael Jackson, "Leave Me Alone" (1987) 8.27/10
Perfectly timed bonus track, with an award-winning video, all about real rumors that Michael totally  didn't make up for his own profit.

50. Michael Jackson, "Rockin' Robin" (1971) 8.28/10
So good that you don't even know the original.

49. The Jackson 5, "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" (1970) 8.4/10
Cute, until you realize that thousands of kids lose their Santa-innocence while hearing this for the first time every holiday season. Thanks J5!

48. The Jacksons, "Body" (1984) 8.45/10
If Mike's the king, Marlon's the jack. Is jack a real thing or is that just in Spades?

47. Janet Jackson, "Feels So Right" (2001) 8.45/10
Queen of groove and good feels.

46. Janet Jackson, "Better Days" 2001 8.46/10
"I'm 'bout to change my vibe
Today the sun's gonna shine
'Cause I made up my mind
That today will be the start of better days
Leavin' old shit behind
And move on with my life
The blindfold's off my eyes
And now all I see for me is better days"

45. Janet Jackson, "Whoops Now" (1993) 8.47/10
See: above above.

44. Janet Jackson, "What’s Ur Name" 8.47/10
What's a sidekick?

43. Janet Jackson, Every Time (1997) 8.47/10
It's the best song you've ever heard. Then, the rhythm kicks in and it gets even better.


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