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Sunday, August 25, 2019

The Jackson Family's Top 142 Songs Ranked (Disc One)

Don't think of the scores as a grading system, e.g. 7/10 = 70% = C-. Here, 70% means that the song is better than 70% of all other possible music. And don't @ me. There's a lot of awful music; I've written over 300 songs.

142. La Toya Jackson, "You’re Gonna Get Rocked" (1988) 5.0/10
100% did NOT want to include her. But with the right team, she's Janet or Madonna, instead of the black sheep.

141. La Toya Jackson, "Bet'cha Gonna Need My Lovin'" (1984) 5.05/10
That's a staple mid-80s chorus and ummm dance break? Okay, I don't know why the track is so weak, but this is a hit in another universe.

140. La Toya Jackson, "Heart Don’t Lie" (1984) 5.1/10
I mean she can't dance, but the voice is basically on par with the Jackson ladies.

139. The Jacksons, "Enjoy Yourself" (1976) 5.9/10
Introducing Randy!

138. Jermaine Jackson, "Don’t Take it Personal" (1989) 5.91/10

We had to include Jermaine a few times or we'd never hear the end of it. Gotta go. His ninth wife is calling us right now.

137. The Jackson 5, "Goin’ Back to Indiana" (1971) 6.0/10
It's not a great song, but you'd like to believe they stayed grounded. And why would kids have babies to go back to? Whatevs.

136. The Jacksons, "State of Shock" (1984) 6.01/10
Michael loved partnering with other top talent of the day. He did this on "Shock", but often wondered aloud why anyone would listen to Mick Jagger since he can't sing at all and couldn't hit a pitch with a wall.

135. The Jacksons, "Nothin" (1989) 6.02/10
Not bad considering that Mike quit the group. Plus, this is 20 years post Ed Sullivan show . . . .

134. Michael Jackson, "Blue Gangsta" (2014) 6.02/10
So a couple of rapper-producers stole this song and released a remix without anyone's permission--a song MJ never wanted released. Then, he died and Sony released an amazing updated Timbo version. And I thank them once a week by email.

133. Jermaine Jackson, "Let’s Be Young Tonight" (1976) 6.02/10
How lame do you have to be to admit that Jermaine's your fav? Jokes aside, the album version is a masterpiece. That version is not posted below.

132. Jermaine Jackson, "Do What You Do" (1984) 6.02/10
Jermaine will 1000% see this list and complain on a Middle Eastern show you've never heard of about how no one respects his talent.

131. Marlon Jackson, "Don’t Go" (1987) 6.02/10
Ya know . . . it really was Michael's "unique" lifestyle that made him appear to be so superior to his siblings. Tito and Jermaine are amazing musicians and producers. They all sing. Janet, Jackie, and Marlon move like most people think they do after a few drinks. We're missing like 10 more great Jackson-family albums.

130. Michael Jackson, "Another Part of Me" 1988 6.02/10
Captain EO! The luckiest people of all time were introduced to this song via a 3D-film, at a theme park, where Michael saves the universe with dance, color, and hope. And people think Beyonce . . . I ccan i can't di I'm laugj u can Beyon hahahahahah hahahahahahah

129. Michael Jackson, "Music and Me" (1973) 6.02/10
My first love, here:

128. Michael Jackson, "You've Got a Friend" (1971) 6.03/10
The cover is perfect, but know this: in their first few years, the J5 recorded four albums, Michael record three solo albums, Jermaine recorded two solo albums, and Jackie recorded a solo album . . . while they toured constantly.

127. Michael Jackson, "Burn this Disco Out" (1979) 6.03/10

I didn't know this song existed until I was a senior in college. What was I DOING?!?! You're welcome.

126. Janet Jackson, "Tonight's the Night" (1997) 6.03/10
According to older friends, this kinda cover is from The Velvet Rope, aka the #1 baby-making album of the late 90s. Also, gay dudes and lesbians got down.

125. Janet Jackson, "China Love" (2001) 6.03/10
Once we hit the Janet catalog, we realized this couldn't be a top 100 list.

124. Michael Jackson, "The Way You Love Me" (2010) 6.03/10
Yes, almost immediately, he had hits from the grave--not songs--HITS. And here, you get to hear his instructions from beyond.

123. Michael Jackson, "Loving You" (2014) 6.03/10
Released after the worst breakup of my life, I'm not sure if this was the last thing I needed or exactly what I needed. Well, it feels hopeful, so probably the latter.

Come back for disc two!

Sunday, August 18, 2019

Cancel Culture and Familial Periphery

Episode 448 may be the beginning of the end. Honestly, the audience isn't big enough anymore to justify the time and effort. People respond privately and say they listen and love it, and that it's good. But this may be the only podcast fan-base in the world that's too terrified to share an episode or hit a like button or tell a friend. Maybe I'll produce other people's podcasts again. If you're a person that people actually like and respect and support and you want a podcast, get at me.

Anyways, today's show was recorded awhile ago and covers??? ummm oh cancel culture based on Joe Rogan with Whitney Cummings and Bill Simmons with Sarah Silverman. And then I talk about how odd life has gotten for me as a peripheral member of my immediate family. Enjoy. Follow me everywhere @idonteventhinkyoureadthismuchlessclickthelink.

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Conspiracy and Controversy: Guns, Immigrants, #MeToo, and Racism

In Episode 447, Germar is joined by first-time guest, Sean Michael Beyer. Beyer, an amazing auteur (contractually obligated to mention), has alternative takes on all of America's ills. Here, you'll learn all about the constantly neglected connection between terrorists and bird's feathers. Today's show is sponsored by

Monday, August 5, 2019

Power Rankings: Superhero TV [Updated 8/5/19]

You love lists, and Look to the Cookie doesn't do enough of them. So here are the rankings and reasons for the 23 modern comic-based super-powered television series (Marvel and DC), as determined by the entire LTC staff, which is currently just Germar. The list is updated as seasons conclude and series premiere.

23. (23) Inhumans 5/10 Years of optimism, anxiety, and backtracking resulted in this, universally agreed upon, worst part of the MCU. Scott Buck may be MCU's kryptonite. Please, Marvel, don't let him ruin another series (e.g., Iron Fist). 

22. (22) Agent Carter 6/10 Yes, I hosted the show about the show, but it always felt like a lukewarm Marvel offering. The pieces fit snugly, and Hayley Atwell shined, but did anyone even watch the second season?

21. (21) Iron Fist 6/10 No one likes this show. And no one fears the surfer dude-voiced, Ramen noodle-haired, prince of privilege no matter how many times he says he beat a dragon or calls himself "immortal." Colleen Wing and Bakuto almost saved this atrocity. And I almost worked at Fox Sports. Cue that Brandy song. And then he improved slightly in Defenders and season two of "Cage." And the second season of Iron Fist was almost fire because they decided to focus on all of the amazing women while diminishing the lead. Ultimately, it got the ax anyway.  

20. (18) Swamp Thing 6/10 Alec Holland > Swamp Thing. So far it's shaping up to be baddie of the week; that format sucks like when there's no flavor left in the blue Icee. The swamp-Cajun feel is cool. That beautiful doctor drives the show. And it only got worse and is canceled . . . .

19. (19) Gotham 6.1/10 Gotham will probably be really good once it's all on Netflix, and we all finally decide to watch it. The first season got everything wrong--especially allowing Jada Pinkett to perform like an amateur starring in a Spelman College production of Wicked

18. (19) Legion 6.5/10 Is this a period piece? Style over substance? Maybe, but beautiful still, plus ambitious. It's not a great show yet, but it's better than almost all of the X-men movies.

17. (17) The Gifted 6.7/10 This is the best way to realistically represent, on television, the best team of heroes in the history of comics. No, they're not the X-men. But if the X-men X-isted they'd be a lot more like The Gifted than that awesome Saturday morning cartoon. It's inconsistent at best, but there's definitely something there.  And now it's better, but, still somehow, exactly the same.

16. (15) Arrow 6.7/10 Arrow has quickly become the can miss DCTV CW show of the week. But we keep watching. I look forward to its ending, followed by frequent character cameos on the other shows. It started too fast and left little room to grow. Team Arrow was Justice League lite before we got the Legends, Team Flash, or Supergirl. Pacing. And now they may be taking the street justice a little too far OR maybe just far enough.

15. (14) Legends of Tomorrow 6.8/10 If you don't like this show, you don't like smiles, fun, or good times. Remember when The Avengers was the best thing to happen to the '10s? DC decided to do that with 200th of the budget, but weekly. And now, maybe it's a little too much fun. I'll still ride the wave, but this could fizzle fast. 

14. (7) Doom Patrol 6.9/10 They're not heroes, like at all. It's hard to call their unique qualities "abilities" or "powers." And whatever they are, they aren't super. But as wacky as this series is, it feels real. It's unique and not for uniqueness's sake. Titans isn't a fluke; DC Universe is coming for Marvel's head. The ending was meta af, but ultimately meh   

13. (12) Krypton 6.9/10 So far, so good. They did it. They borrowed from the beautiful Man of Steel opening, and made their own Krypton. The black Zods are awesome and their story has stolen the show. Plus, it sets up Zods better than any previous source. Seg-El is that dude. -.1 for that wack-ass Lobo

12. (13) Black Lightning 7/10 It's only the most important show in the history of television in the United States. They deal with everything, better than most shows deal with anything--race, violence, cops, sex, LGBT matters, relationships, schools . . . and superpowers. "This one's for the streets." So far season two has not matched season one, but they remain "the people's champ." And season two continues to disappoint, but the "racist hicks" story-line was somewhat refreshing.

11. (16) Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 7/10 Its debut was a meandering mess. But for the fans that stuck around, Agents of Hydra/Agents of Nothing got good fast. And more recently, we've been gifted the best live action Ghostrider, top notch action, intelligent political commentary, and the best possible "what if"-styled virtual world story. Now, Agents is a secret gem. 

10. (11) Supergirl 7/1Every week entertains. Each episode plays out like an updated, less whiny, less soap opera-y version of Smallville. The weird episode where she was "kid" Supergirl was weird. Pro tip: Superman is your problem, not your solution. [Each] season [goes] deep on race, LGBT matters, relationships, and it remained a top comic book-based show. Kudos. I still watch, but the politics may be so on the nose that it's become a distraction.

9. (10) Runaways 7.1/10 At the episode three mark, this show is far better than anything on this list. Performances, cinematography, drama, use of powers, relationships, representation--perfection. The problem with being on top . . . is that long tumble down. How will they handle powers or the discovery of the teens' discovery? How will they handle the budding and realistic romances? And is this really the MCU? Did it need to be? (3 months later . . . show was dope) And in the second season so much happened . . . on the way down. Season one was  too good. The worst thing about being at the top? There's only one way to go. The sexy non-aging Spanish-speaking dude was super cool though.
8. (9) The Defenders 7.1/10 The first four episodes were the highlight of my year. The Defenders are to the Avengers what the X-men are to the Justice League. They are the heroes we might be, not the gods that save us. They blended four distinct tales better than I imagined possible--style and mythos. To enjoy: 1) ignore the villains' plot; 2) remember that we witnessed an even more annoying Iron Fist earlier.

7. (8) The Flash 7.1/10 So maybe skip the second season. And maybe they do the same arc each season. But this is the most pleasant series on the list. It's like a '90s Saturday morning cartoon for grown-ups. This is the team that every Millennial would join if given the opportunity. And I'm in love with little Flash-et junior - sue me.

6. (6) Jessica Jones 7.5/10 Two Js is da realest! She single-handedly saved The Defenders (literally and also from us critics). In her debut, she overcame the #1 true villain in the MCU (twice). She also laid out Luke Cage. And maybe she can fly. And then the second season sucked hard. The former #1 has dropped like the best beat. And the the third season redeemed in a way most shows never can. #podcastcomingsoon

5. (5) Luke Cage 7.5/10 Cage, one of the strongest characters on the list, started weakly and ended weakly. But that midsection does work. Ummmm. Cottonmouth is the King. And if you're black, this should feel like a moment . . . for us . . . because it is. And in the second season, a strong show got stronger. It's a shame this moment is partially wasted on Mike Colter. Bushmaster saved the series and washed the diamond-backed taste from our mouths. Annnnnnnd it's canceled. A record-breaking black-ass show that did impossible numbers for Netflix is gone.

4. (4) Cloak & Dagger  7.9/10 I want to love the show, in the way I love its young stars. And I might, if I could stay awake. I think they realize they have superpowers in episode five . . . I think. Who's this show for?--moody-artsy-poetic-horny-virgin 13-year-olds? I'm guessing. They get bonus points for flipping the most common racial stereotypes. And like all of the best things, once it ended, I begged for more. Cloak & Dagger may have something just yet. The second season began like the first, and then something happened--something good. Ish got real, real cultural, real racial, real domestic . . . real. Now, this show matters.

3. (3) The Punisher 8/10 It's nothing like other shows on this list. They chose to ignore the superhero world setting. It works, but may have worked better as a standalone. Ultimately, it was more predictable than most comic book-based shows because it was a lot like every gritty revenge, PTSD flick we've ever seen. And then in season two they created one of the most beautiful pieces of art in the history of time. It was not like anything anyone has every seen. There were TWO antagonists, and they both had unconventional, unpredictable, realistic endings.

2. (2) Daredevil 8/10 Hallway scenes started here. It's a shame they didn't end here. Foggy is as whack as Charlie Cox's accent (both improved by season 3). If you are anti-shadowy fight scenes, then Kingpin kept your interest. This series was redeemed by the Punisher's arrival. Ssssooo many ninjas. And then season three was maybe the best thing I've seen "on TV." Yes, Daredevil season three is "Wire," "Sopranos," "Lost," Breaking Bad"-good.

1. (1) Titans 8.5/10 We saw that corny-ass trailer and scoffed. The first episode wasn't much better. But Titans has become my #1 must-see-TV each week. If this dropped Netflix style, I wouldn't have the left the seat. It would've been my first "diaper show." Starting with the Hawk and Dove episode, this is the grittiest, most realistic, non-fantastical fantasy show (read: best) of all time. This is not our Teen Titans (coming soon). It's not like the Titans as seen anywhere before. That black Starfire that you hate is one of the best characters on TV this year. DC should stop making movies. They really get television. 

Saturday, August 3, 2019

Once Upon a Yesterday

In Episode Wendy's (444), Germar finally tells you the truth about Quentin Tarantino films. Additionally, Yesterday is just about the Mandela Effect and how The Beatles are apparently history's most talented musicians. Very. Light. Spoilers.

Sunday, July 28, 2019

Shortie: TIP YOUR SERVER or Don't

In this shortie episode, Germar's take is so hot that it's on FIYAH. Here, Germar tells you exactly how you should feel about tipping. Follow him everywhere @GermarDerron.

Friday, July 26, 2019

Best. Thing. Ever. - Joe Rogan Experience #1325 - Dr. Cornel West

Look to the Cookie is known for original content. But sometimes, some things are so good that we have to share.

Gifted Kid Burnout

It's me, Germar. This is the most personal of personal podcasts. I've been trying to summarize my existence in one podcast for awhile. I came across this "Gifted Kid Burnout" bingo-meme on Facebook. It hit hard. It hurts because it's me in a nutshell. But it felt good? to know that I'm not alone.

A quick Google search taught me that this has been a hot topic for a few years. And of course, I now have to respond to those responses.

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Shortie Sexes Addendum

I forgot something. When is it okay to ask a woman out on a date?

Battle of the Sexes?

In Episode 441, Germar returns to a familiar topic. Feelings. Facts. Feminism. Relationships. Fire.

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