Wednesday, August 28, 2019

The Jackson Family's Top 142 Songs Ranked (Disc Four)




Don't think of the scores as a grading system, e.g. 7/10 = 70% = C-. Here, 70% means that the song is better than 70% of all other possible music. And don't @ me. There's a lot of awful music; I've written over 300 songs.

82. Janet Jackson, "All For You" (2001) 8.17/10
"Got a nice package alright 
Guess I'm gonna have to ride it tonight"
Just what is she insinuating here?

81. Janet Jackson, "Let’s Wait Awhile" (1986) 8.17/10
Oh the irony.


80. Janet Jackson, "Come Back to Me" (1989) 8.17/10
Ummmm, who the hell left Janet?


79. Janet Jackson, "Go Deep" (1997) 8.18/10
Who didn't want to be this boy?


78. The Jackson 5, "All I Do is Think of You" (1975) 8.18/10
20 years ahead of its time.


77. Michael Jackson, "I Can’t Help It" (1979) 8.18/10
Beautiful song, from one of the best albums.


76. Janet Jackson, "What Have You Done for Me Lately" (1986) 8.18/10
What came first, this common phrase or the song?

75. The Jacksons, "2300 Jackson Street" (1989) 8.18/10
All of 'em, together, and it's spectacular.


74. Michael Jackson, "Whatever Happens" (2001) 8.18/10
This would've been the fourth single had Sony not buried the album. Apparently, it's about a young pregnant girl. I always felt it was connected to 9-11--can't explain it; I just feel it.


73. Michael Jackson, "The Girl is Mine" (1982) 8.19/10
What do I say, say, say about this one?

72. Janet Jackson, "If" (1993) 8.19/10
By my calculations, 1994 broadcasts are just now reaching Zandar-4. That means they get to watch (with their 18op13k eyes) the "If" music video, on MTv, on repeat, for six Earth months.

71. Rebbie Jackson, "Yours Faithfully" (1998) 8.19/10
When I was a kid, I didn't mind that she was 50; I kinda do now. But the song still knocks hard.


70. Janet Jackson, "Miss You Much" (1989) 8.19/10
So she's dancing in black and white again. And again, WHO keeps leaving Janet?

69. Janet Jackson, "Control" (1986) 8.19/10
Here, she took control and she took over.


68. The Jacksons, "Shake Your Body" (1978) 8.19/10
The most fun, but also necessary for Off the Wall Mike.


67. The Jackson 5, "It's Too Late to Change the Time" (1973) 8.19/10
but it's not too late to change your mind.

66. Janet Jackson, "Together Again" (1997) 8.2/10
A tribute so beautiful that it makes non-believers look forward to what's beyond.

65. Janet Jackson, "Nasty" (1986) 8.2/10
"Miss. Jackson if you're nasty."

64. Janet Jackson, "The Body that Loves You" (1993) 8.2/10
Honestly, she could've sung anything here and it would still be the most sensual song of all time.


63. Michael Jackson, "Jam" (1991) 8.2/10
MJ v MJ, and Heavy D, and Kriss Kross, and MJ v MJ.


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