Monday, August 26, 2019

The Jackson Family's Top 142 Songs Ranked (Disc Two)

PHOTO: TIM RONEY/GETTY IMAGES


Don't think of the scores as a grading system, e.g. 7/10 = 70% = C-. Here, 70% means that the song is better than 70% of all other possible music. And don't @ me. There's a lot of awful music; I've written over 300 songs.


122. Michael Jackson, "Hold My Hand" (2010) 6.03/10
This song that you've never heard (of) is a top hit outside of the U.S.



121. Michael Jackson, "They Don’t Care About Us" (1995) 6.03/10
It's almost 25 years later and they still don't really care about us. Oddly, this song represents the most trouble Jackson's ever been in. The lines "Jew mesue me, everybody do me/ Kick me, kike me, don't you black or white me" were removed after the initial album release. Below is the alternate video--the prison version; I'm moved.



120. Michael Jackson, "Music Never Felt So Good" (2014) 6.04/10
An early 80s lump of coal became a worldwide smash hit in 2014.


119. Janet Jackson, "New Agenda" (1993) 6.04/10
Janet does "message music" better than all of the other Jacksons.


118. Janet Jackson, "State of the World" (1989) 6.04/10
See: comment above.

117. Michael Jackson, "It’s the Falling in Love" (1979) 6.04/10
No comment. Too busy falling again.

116. Michael Jackson, "Baby Be Mine" (1982) 6.04/10
This is your favorite singer's favorite song.

115. Janet Jackson, "Rhythm Nation" (1989) 6.04/10
Song's comme ci, comme ca, but the video and choreography changed the world.


114. Janet Jackson, "Black Cat" (1989) 6.05/10
Yes, she does rock better than your favorite rock lead. Bonus: this was definitely stolen by "Club Mario."





113. Janet Jackson, "What’ll I Do" (1993) 6.05/10
It's like "Black Cat," but without the claws, and better.

112. Michael Jackson, "Liberian Girl" (1987) 6.06/10
Cameo clout.


111. Michael Jackson, "One Day in Your Life" (1975) 6.07/10
Off the Wall was NOT Michael's first solo album. It was his fifth. This track is from the fourth--an album that almost killed his solo career. Yes, before all of the awards and broken records Michael was thought of as another failed child prodigy. He sang "Dancing Machine" for four years straight . . . then suddenly BOOM.

110. Michael Jackson, "Dirty Diana" (1987) 6.08/10
At what point did someone explain this song to Michael? I bet he was like "oh oh oh - oh no - kids heard this."

109. Michael Jackson, "Working Day and Night" (1979) 6.1/10
So iconic that they took his breaths from this song and used them in his posthumous releases.

108. The Jacksons, "Can You Feel It" (1980) 6.1/10
Know that this is over 20 years after its release, and over 30 years after Ed Sullivan. They're 50 here. Watch the dude at 2:13; that's what they mean to the world.


107. The Jackson 5, "Someday at Christmas" (1970) 6.1/10
The song that made Justin Bieber. No, the song didn't give birth to . . . just YouTube it.

106. The Jackson 5, "Mama’s Pearl" 7.3/10
Real fans watched the kaht-tune on Satdee.


105. The Jackson 5, "Dancing Machine" (1974) 7.5/10
They performed this for five years straight, as evidenced here.



104. Rebbie Jackson, "Fly Away" (1998) 7.8/10
Michael did it first, didn't like it, passed it to Rebbie. But then he jumped on the chorus, and they sound lovely--trust me.

103. Janet Jackson, "Got Til It’s Gone" (1997) 7.9/10
"What's... what's the next song?
The one about me
Oh yeah?
I like this song"
"Joni Mitchell never lies . . . "
Q-tip dated Janet, then spit about it, on the track about it. "Don't it always seem to go . . . "
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