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Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Hungry Holiday Hell - July 4, 2018

by Germar Derron

Below you can read the uncensored, totally true, text-diary of today's Fourth of July tomfoolery. To be fair, this was a grand opening. But - but . . . . Single-man, family-less, quasi-friendless holidays are already the worst--then this happens. And yes, I have a couple of invites, but I'm wiped out.

No, I did nothing to deserve this. And yes, "Ex #11" enjoys these text-diary deliveries.



Me 

12:45  So I did decided to try this new soul food place - kinda busy, but not too bad

12:57  Friend from work here. I sat with him

12:57  He's done

12:57  Said it was really good

12:58  They're already out of almost everything

12:58  I've been here for 15 mins and no one has taken my order

12:58  That kinda black music you like is blasting, Y'know, the song came out last year but it only plays on oldies stations.

12:59  It's like a family thing so a bunch a Lil kids out here dunno what's going on. Tryna serve.

1:01  Almost all white people here

1:04  Still haven't taken my order

1:04  I haven't eaten today

1:04  Headache

1:07  In over his head teen boy took my order after "momma" yelled at him

1:07  Grandma just came out the kitchen to snap on some white folk

1:08  Another black lady commiserating wit meh

1:11  Gospel blasting . . .  Scripture all over the wall

1:13  I got watermelon kool-aid - maybe

1:13  Lil girl here looks like slightly older version of your daughter - toothpick

1:14  Cash only but they ain't post it or tell anyone

1:14  It's an unsurprising disaster

1:14  She's actually much older

1:15  I can't call it; black don't crack

1:15  Lotta kids just standing around (workers?)

1:17  A dude just paid - no tax or tip - maybe later?   

1:20  10 minute wait on chicken

1:20  More mature [your daughter] just talked to me

1:21  They even have the same teeth

1:33  They never brought my drink

1:34  They just brought two legs

1:34  He promised a breast-wing quarter

1:34  I have no food still

1:34  And I told them bring the other food, I'll wait on chicken

1:35  They did not

1:35  Then they bring an ounce of mac and two legs

1:36  She is younger but the most helpful

1:38  Lady behind me has the same complaints

1:38  She got a leg

1:39  Playing old Kirk Franklin albums now

1:40  They don't refill drinks

1:41  Ate my dessert

1:41  Strawberry shortcake; it was horrible

1:42  dry, store bought, few strawberries, and a Lil whip cream

1:42  There's only been four or five tables here the entire time

1:43  800 kids just came in through the back door

1:43  I still have no drink

1:44  I'm jittery

1:45  I think I might die here

1:45  I convinced myself to support black owned

1:45  We always regret it don't we

1:45  They ran out of everything . . . again

1:45  I think this tattooed brunette is checking me out

1:45  I caught her

1:46  Now she's making sure not to look at me

1:46  People just got here now have their food

1:46  I've been here over an hour

1:47  Black ladies say tea not sweet..  Tastes like water

1:48  I just heard them yelling in the back about my fried chicken

Ex #11

1:49  Omg

1:49  That's horrible

Me

1:49  Nobody's order is right and they didn't like the food

1:49  The white people seem to like it

1:50  I've been here over an hour and everybody eating but me

1:50  Uh oh . . . take out orders wrong

Ex #11

1:50  It's always a crapshoot going to a soul food restaurant. And black folks just can't get right.

Me

1:50  Still no drink

Ex #11

1:51  This gonna be a FB story?

Me

1:51  I'm just writing to publish this later.

1:51  Ltc

1:51  Putting something this long on FB?

1:51  Maybe tumblr

1:52  The kids are now doing a dance routine in the front

1:52  So hard for me not to leave

1:52  I was pulling for [this place].  Now I want them to fail.

1:53  She actually asked the last table for tips. It was so weird

1:53  Lady just came out of the kitchen and yelled that they don't have breasts; I guess that was meant for me.

1:54  They're dancing down the aisle to gospel.

1:55  I'm getting sick now.

1:55  I think I have to go.

1:56  The dude that messed up my order is eating in the back.

1:59  I left

2:00  I won't go back

2:08  I'm at Outback

2:10  The waitress here is mad that I'm here

2:11  She's crying. I don't know why.

2:11  But again I'm trying to be cool.

2:12  I think maybe she's mad that she's getting tables or maybe tables of one but she's having a complete breakdown.

2:12  She can't even talk

2:12  Could not get her name out

2:14  I still don't have a drink

2:16  She's having a complete meltdown

2:16  WTF is going on today

2:17  Got some water and bread though

2:17  Bread is stone cold

Ex #11

2:18  Jesus Germar

Me

2:47  Full. Had a burger and Coke. Feeling better. She kinda apologized and said she's not charging me for the Coke.

2:48  She apologized thrice. Apparently she was just overwhelmed. Thanked me for my patience.

Ex #11

3:25  Glad you got some food in ya.

Me

3:26  And she gave me a Coke for the road. I gave her a $5 tip on a $10 meal.

6:30  Don't text me. Writing Story.

7:05  Done.









Sunday, July 1, 2018

Luke Cage, Season 2

In Episode 411, after a long hiatus, Germar returns just in time for the king's return. Here, he covers Netflix's second season of Luke Cage better than anyone. The analysis includes, but is not limited to, race, regions, Westworld, Black Lightning, Black Panther, and Alexander Luthor. Follow Germar everywhere @GermarDerron.  Today's episode is sponsored by www.GameFlyoffer.com/looktothecookie.



Saturday, June 2, 2018

My Mount Rushmores

In Episode 410, Germar provides his Mount Rushmore of EVERYTHING--girlfriends, athletes, movies, artists, songs, books, video games, rappers, cartoons . . . .  Of course, follow him everywhere @GermarDerron. Today's show is sponsored by www.tryGoDaddy.com/looktothecookie.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

COBRA KAI

In Episode 409, Germar reviews the only reason to get YouTube Red (terrible name). And it's SPOILER FREE!!! But first, it's a D.S.E. with talk about his new film, wyd and about his new crush [message sent: "wyd"]. Follow Germar everywhere @GermarDerron. Today's episode is sponsored by www.GameFlyoffer.com/looktothecookie.

Monday, May 7, 2018

Issa Rae: Infinity War

In Episode 408, Germar returns to talk about that Issa Rae thing. But first, he briefly explains how you should feel about Avengers: Infinity War. Follow Germar everywhere @GermarDerron. Today's episode is sponsored by www.WarbyParkertrial.com/looktothecookie.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Power Rankings: Superhero TV [Updated 4/25/18]

You love lists and Look to the Cookie doesn't do enough of them. So here are the rankings and reasons for the 19 modern comic-based super-powered television series, as determined by the entire LTC staff, which is currently just Germar. The list is updated as seasons conclude and series premiere.
19. Inhumans 5/10 Years of optimism, anxiety, and backtracking resulted in this, universally agreed upon, worst part of the MCU. Scott Buck may be MCU's kryptonite. Please, Marvel, don't let him ruin another series (e.g., Iron Fist). 

18. Iron Fist 5/10 No one likes this show. And no one fears the surfer dude-voiced, Ramen noodle-haired, prince of privilege no matter how many times he says he beat a dragon or calls himself "immortal." Colleen Wing and Bakuto almost saved this atrocity. And I almost worked at Fox Sports. Cue that Brandy song.

17. Agent Carter 6/10 Yes, I hosted the show about the show, but it always felt like a lukewarm Marvel offering. The pieces fit snugly, and Hayley Atwell shined, but did anyone even watch the second season?


16. Jessica Jones 6/10 Two Js is da realest! She single-handedly saved The Defenders (literally and also from us critics). In her debut, she overcame the #1 true villain in the MCU (twice). She also laid out Luke Cage. And maybe she can fly. And then the second season sucked hard. The former #1 has dropped like the best beat.

15. Gotham 6.1/10 Gotham will probably be really good once it's all on Netflix, and we all finally decide to watch it. The first season got everything wrong--especially allowing Jada Pinkett to perform like an amateur starring in a Spelman College production of Wicked


14. Arrow 6.5/10 Arrow has quickly become the can miss DCTV CW show of the week. But we keep watching. I look forward to its ending, followed by frequent character cameos on the other shows. It started too fast and left little room to grow. Team Arrow was Justice League lite before we got the Legends, Team Flash, or Supergirl. Pacing.

13. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 6.5/10 Its debut was a meandering mess. But for the fans that stuck around, Agents of Hydra/Agents of Nothing got good fast. And more recently, we've been gifted the best live action Ghostrider, top notch action, intelligent political commentary, and the best possible "what if"-styled virtual world story. 

12. Daredevil 6.5/10 Hallway scenes started here. It's a shame they didn't end here. Foggy is as whack as Charlie Cox's accent. If you're anti-shadowy fight scenes, then Kingpin kept your interest. This series was redeemed by the Punisher's arrival. Ssssooo many ninjas.

11. Legion 6.5/10 Is this a period piece? Style over substance? Maybe, but beautiful still, plus ambitious. It's not a great show yet, but it's better than almost all of the X-men movies.


10. The Gifted 6.6/10 This is the best way to realistically represent, on television, the best team of heroes in the history of comics. No, they're not the X-men. But if the X-men X-isted they'd be a lot more like The Gifted than that awesome Saturday morning cartoon

9. The Punisher 7/10 It's nothing like other shows on this list. They chose to ignore the superhero world setting. It works, but may have worked better as a standalone. Ultimately, it was more predictable than most comic book-based shows because it was a lot like every gritty revenge, PTSD flick we've ever seen.

8. Krypton 7/10 So far, so good. They did it. They borrowed from the beautiful Man of Steel opening, and made their own Krypton. The black Zods are awesome and their story has stolen the show. Plus, it sets up Zods better than any previous source. Seg-El is that dude.

7. Legends of Tomorrow 7/10 If you don't like this show, you don't like smiles, fun, or good times. Remember when The Avengers was the best thing to happen to the '10s? DC decided to do that with 200th of the budget, but weekly. 

6. Luke Cage 7/10 Cage, one of the strongest characters on the list, started weakly and ended weakly. But that midsection does work. Ummmm. Cottonmouth is the King. And if you're black, this should feel like a moment . . . for us . . . because it is.

5. The Defenders 7.1/10 The first four episodes were the highlight of my year. The Defenders are to the Avengers what the X-men are to the Justice League. They are the heroes we might be, not the gods that save us. They blended four distinct tales better than I imagined possible--style and mythos. To enjoy: 1) ignore the villains' plot; 2) remember that we witnessed an even more annoying Iron Fist earlier this year

4. The Flash 7.1/10 So maybe skip the second season. And maybe they do the same arc each season. But this is the most pleasant series on the list. It's like a '90s Saturday morning cartoon for grown-ups. This is the team that every Millennial would join if given the opportunity. 


3. Supergirl 7.1/10 Every week entertains. Each episode plays out like an updated, less whiny, less soap opera-y version of Smallville. The weird episode where she was "kid" Supergirl was weird. Pro tip: Superman is your problem, not your solution.

2. Runaways 8.3/10 At the episode three mark, this show is far better than anything on this list. Performances, cinematography, drama, use of powers, relationships, representation--perfection. The problem with being on top . . . is that long tumble down. How will they handle powers or the discovery of the teens' discovery? How will they handle the budding and realistic romances? And is this really the MCU? Did it need to be?
1. Black Lightning 9/10 It's only the most important show in the history of television in the United States. They deal with everything, better than most shows deal with anything--race, violence, cops, sex, LGBT, relationships, schools . . . and superpowers. "This one's for the streets."

Monday, April 23, 2018

We CAN All Get Along

In Episode 406, Germar is BACK and NSFW. Here, after a brief catch-up, and some circular rambling, he explains what we can all do to move forward together. Follow Germar everywhere @GermarDerron. Today's show is sponsored by www.tryGoDaddy.com/looktothecookie.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Sexy Talk with Ryder Doll

In Episode 404, Germar falls for his sexiest and mostest favoritest guest of all time, Ryder Doll (Ryder D if ya nasty). Ryder . . . hmph . . . see Ryder is . . . well, Ryder . . . men pay Ryder to . . .  just listen. This first one's free, and definitely NSFW.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Justin and Jessica

In Episode 403, Germar reviews the new Justin Timberlake album Man of the Woods. Then, he reviews the first four episodes, of the second season, of Marvel's Jessica Jones on Netflix. Follow Germar everywhere @GermarDerron. Today's episode is sponsored by www.getGrammarly.com/looktothecookie.




Wednesday, March 7, 2018

How Do Y'all Do It?

In Episode 402, whiskey and mic make for one of the best "personal" pods ever. This is a call and response, or a call in, or a call to action. How do YOU do it? Careers, family, friends, faith . . . life. Follow Germar everywhere@GermarDerron. Today's episode is sponsored by www.GameFlyoffer.com/looktothecookie.



 
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