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Friday, March 24, 2017

The Top 33 Marvel Comics Movies [Updated 3/24/17]

You love lists and Look to the Cookie doesn't do enough of them. So here are the rankings and reasons for the 33 released Marvel Comics based movies that Germar felt like commenting on.

33. Fantastic Four (2015)  4/10 Fantastic Four is one of the worst films ever made. I tweeted. I yelled. I cursed . . . a lot. I don't understand how adults, . . . educated men and women . . . with large bank accounts, sat down, watched this awful mess and thought "mission accomplished." It's a year later and I still hope to run into this entire team in a dark alley. On the plus side, it led to my most raw and hilarious podcast ever.

32. The Amazing Spider Man 2 4.5/10 I had high hopes. I was wrong. I've never felt so little for characters, superheroes, villains. The weird Russian? robot rhinoceros was weird. The crowds watching bullets fly from the sideline was dumb. And Jamie Foxx made one of Marvel's most powerful B-list super-villains into a powerful punchline. Awful.

31. Thor  5/10 Thor is the only MCU film that is absolutely awful (so far). Whenever I hear someone say they liked Thor, I want to punch them in the face very hard. I watched this awful film twice because my ex's sister-in-law convinced the family that it was good. They all hated it. I feel like Thor is the most cartoon-y or comic-y of the MCU. If you liked this movie, you're probably a Thor fan, or hardcore comic fan, or you have absolutely terrible taste or you want to feel my fist.

 30Daredevil 5/10 I re-watched and reviewed this film just 18 months ago. I thought it was okay back in 2003; I was wrong. I still love Colin Farrell's Bullseye. The black Kingpin was the best Kingpin--pre-Vincent D'Onofrio, post Spider-man The Animated Series. Overall, this film is uninteresting, unimportant, underwhelming, and unfortunately underwater. Why didn't he drown or freeze?  Never mind.

29. Fantastic Four 6/10 Who'd imagine that the first awful Fox Fantastic Four movie wouldn't be the worst Fox Fantastic Four movie. This is not a good film, but it has some good moments and some good performances. How'd they ruin this film? Casting. Story. Direction. And this was post-X-men. How do you do this after that

28. The Wolverine 6/10 Is this the same Wolverine from Origins or DOFP or any other X-men film? Yes! But no, not really. Of course, this film completely falls apart in the end. And Wolvie is played. He's dominated superhero cinema since 2000. His story, no matter how we twist it, is always the same: 1) he doesn't remember stuff; 2) he heals; and 3) adamantium. And this wasn't really a film that belongs in this genre, or in that universe, and totally made the Wolverine trilogy not a trilogy at all. It's a mediocre martial arts flick masquerading poorly as an X-film and I wasn't very impressed. 

27. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer 6.4/10 I met Doug Jones. He's super nice, and the best thing about this movie. Everything about the Surfer was super nice. The story was decent too. But this version of the Fantastic Four, like all film versions of F4 stinks. I like Jessica Alba as a person (I think, never met), but she was horribly miscast. Too many words in this piece are devoted to the Fantastic Four.

26. The Amazing Spider-man 6.4/10 The film never quite got over the tall hurdle set up by Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire. It wasn't bad. It was just more of the same. Tobey, Franco, et al were still fresh. The origin story and villain arc in Amazing matched the story and arc from the 00s version. The movie didn't deliver on what the trailers promised (deep story about the spy parents). Garfield may be a better Spider-man, but he doesn't work at all as Peter.

25. X-Men 6.5/10 Mad props for being the movie that made this list possible. More props for bringing back Toad and making him kinda awesome. Even then, this film felt smaller than my X-men. Smaller core team, smaller stakes, smaller. It's the first one and it's the firstiest movie of any trilogy ever.

24. X-Men Origins: Wolverine 6.5/10 Yes, you hate this movie. You're wrong. Ask Jon Schnepp about it. The beginning of this movie is about as good as these movies get. Young Wolverine. Logan and Creed dominating every war. And even the comme ci, comme ca assault on that compound. Gambit's appearance is one of the best things about the X-men films. And Taylor Kitsch is a better Gambit--with more Magic, better abs and glutes--than Channing Tatum. You hate this movie because of what they did to Deadpool. That sucked. But this wasn't a Deadpool film. The ending may be the worst in comic book movie history, but the first two acts are mostly solid. 

23. The Incredible Hulk 6.5/10 This film works on just about every level. It ranked poorly solely because the field is stacked. Bringing in the Abomination for a showstopping city-smashing finale was genius. Seeing hints of the Leader was cool. Edward Norton did what he does; he killed it. Some parts drag, but it's about as good as a live-action Hulk film could be outside of The Avengers.

22. X-Men: Apocalypse 6.5/10 The most disappointing X-men film ever. Yes, in part because expectations were high . . . initially. But Bryan Singer made a mediocre film--the fourth big franchise superhero film of 2016--and he can't stop patting himself on the back. The third one IS always the worst one. And for me, this is the worstiest of them all to date.

21. Doctor Strange 6.5/10 Ok, MCU fans stahp it. Every next film cannot  be their best film. This was good film, but mediocre in this collection. They've perfected the genre, and now they can crank them out in perpetuity. But Doctor Strange lacked the team dynamic and history that recent entries contain. And while the movie remained active, it wasn't the action of "Winter Soldier," "Ultron," or "Civil War." Yes, magic, but still. Dormammu ending perfect.



20. Logan 6.5/10 It is the best Wolverine film, but that doesn't mean much. Like the best superhero films, they made a film first, and a comic book movie second. But it many ways it meanders, doesn't pull the pieces tightly, and has spineless useless "villains." So, yeah, Marvel needs to get the rights back. The next X-film will include a character literally jumping a shark.

19. Captain America: The Winter Soldier   6.5/10 Somehow this average flick fooled the world. It wasn't nearly as clever as you think. It did however make Agents of SHIELD a much better series. The action, especially between Cap and Bucky dwarfs the other non-ensemble films. This rendition of Falcon fits nicely. The Winter Soldier appeared as he might in my dreams and nightmares. Oddly, I enjoyed it more the second time.  Expectations? Hype?

18. Ant-Man  6.5/10 I found this film to be the least "Marvel-y," which is fine. Because it wasn't a typical Marvel film, it was American film-making 101 and quite predictable. If you like mediocre movies, you will LOVE this. That said, they did pull this off well.

17. Spider-man 3 6.7/10 See X-men: First Class. I know why no one liked it . . . because people are wrong about things. Superhero movies are very formulaic. Spider-mans 1, 2, and Amazing are essentially the same film. Raimi and the cast couldn't make the same film for a third time. They colored a little outside of the lines and you all went bat-sh!7. No, I don't know why Peter went emo or learned to play jazz piano or dance poorly--awkwardly. But otherwise this has some amazing moments, and is far superior to the Amazing series, while remaining true to the worlds setup in one and two. 

16. Deadpool 6.9/10 Initially, I hated this film. I hated it because all of the best bits are in the trailer. Why??? And why did everyone still love it so? I get it; I got it. But it's the movie they promised and SHOWED in the trailers. I just wasn't surprised. People made comments like "he broke the fourth wall!?!?!?" NO F#$^* SH!^ OF COURSE HE DID! IT'S DEADPOOL!!! On my second viewing, I appreciated everything a bit more. The ending was better than I realized. All of the characters were amazing. The weakest piece of this film for me was Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool (in costume, high goofy voice). I'd rather see a film of Reynolds as Deadpool the mercenary that gets paid to beat up girls' bfs. Basically, I felt like this:   

15. X2: X-Men United 7/10 Here's where I do that thing that you cannot. I don't like this movie. I rank it higher than I feel because it's not a bad movie, it's just not a movie for me. It started with the strongest sequence in the entire history of comic book movies, but then rolled downhill for two hours straight. I'm beyond tired of Wolverine and Weapon-X. And I'm REALLY not a fan of the Phoenix and we end with the big tease. It's a good film. I own it. I've seen it many many times. But could someone tell Fox that X-Men is more than Wolverine running around a facility shirtless? K-thx.

14. Iron Man 3  7/10 Ughhhhh. I loved the Mandarin thing, but was this really an Iron Man movie? I appreciated the Mandarin ruse because we weren't ready for the actual Mandarin yet. I understood the stuff with the kid, but really? There were two iron men that rarely got to suit-up. Annnd the weird fire volcano people . . . . Annnnd Pepper became Iron Man and Fire Lady . . . .  Annnnnnd how did this get ranked so highly? Oh, there were lots of suits fighting at the end--that was cool. Although it was wise of the writers, I never bought RDJ's portrayal of PTSD

13. X-Men: The Last Stand 7/10 I stand alone. This film is more like the X-Men of the 90s cartoon and 80s and 90s stories than any other. It's the only one where they really feel like a team (until DOFP future). It's the X-Men's MCU-Avengers' film years before there was an MCU or Avengers' film. Six mutants that feel like members of my family stand against an army of super-powered beings to protect one life--choice, and a group of people that want them dead--because it's the right thing to do. They may die, and they know it. I used to choke up.


12. Iron Man 2  7/10 No one liked this film but me; I understand that. But hey, I have a sense of humor. Drunken Iron Man dancing and fighting, stolen suits, HAMMER and weapon malfunctions, the bird, the Widow . . . c'mon!!! 

 
11. Avengers: Age Of Ultron   7/10 Not a good film, but a HUGE film. They attempted to pack too much into one film. Ultron and Spader dominated. Why do Ultron, and later the Vision, exist and how? . . . not that important really. They attempted an attempt at explanations all over this thing. Nothing made sense, but it was a wild and fun ride.

 10. Spider-man 7.5/10 It no longer holds up. But this movie, more so than X-men or Blade (Superman or Batman), put superheroes on the movie map. The mask was dumb, but ultimately inconsequential. This was the first time anyone accurately depicted the struggle, sacrifice, and constant danger of life as Peter Parker and Spider-man--outside of a printed page.

9. Thor: The Dark World   7.5/10  Yes, I appreciate this film more than most of you, but that's because I get things and stuff. Yes, the bad guy was weak, unimportant, and not memorable, but so what. They took a big cue from The Avengers, and made a film that was fun, funny, action packed, and included a beginning, middle, and end. I only hated that it was so short.

8. X-Men: Days of Future Past 7.7/10 Solid. It's the best bits of the recent trilogy. It's the best Magneto. It's the best McAvoy. Quicksilver. Dinklage. And the action presented in the future scenes perfectly portrays the X-Men we imagine in a post-apocalyptic world. 

7. Iron Man   8/10  I never understood why you feel so strongly and positively about this film. I re-watched it. It's solid, and really solidly establishes the entire universe. I had far more fun with 2 and maybe even 3, but this is a far superior film.

6. Captain America: The First Avenger   8/10  Surprise motherf*cker! (that's a Dexter reference) Honestly, I can't even get through this now, but I remember what it meant then. I'm not a Captain America fan. This film made me care about him. They poked fun at him. He was a guy and not an Uncle Sam poster (except for when he clearly was, but that wasn't by choice). Most importantly, my female non-nerd friends thought this film was dope and not just because the Human Torch starred in it.

5. Spider-man 2 8/10 At the time, critics called it the best superhero film of all time. I didn't get it. On repeated viewings, I did. They did all the things, and with all the best performances. The train scene, support from civilians, the Christ-like sacrifice and posing--it's everything a superhero film should be. "He's just a kid."



4. X-Men: First Class 8.5/10 Comic book movies are often good . . . for comic book movies. But they should be more than that. Comic book fans deserve to see their stories win Oscars and receive praise from the most square critics. Other than the "new mutants'" mistake, this is that X-film. This is an actual effing movie--not just another superhero button masher. There are serious levels of character, story, and performance. Bryan Singer is not the God of X-Men movies; Fox should take a page from the MCU and diversify.

3. Captain America: Civil War 8.5/10 #TeamIronMan all day! This IS actually "Avengers 3: Civil War," but it doesn't lose points for that. Marvel Studios does an unbelievable job of adding characters, combining worlds, and progressing their universe. It's very well balanced. It loses points (and me) in some of the more verbose scenes. The dialogue wasn't too complex, just too much. The conflict was simple and obvious--show us more of that. Spider-man was flawless. Black Panther was more flawless. 

2.  Guardians of the Galaxy  9/10  People that don't include this in their top two also get punched in the face.  80s references "never go over my head" because "there ain't no thing like me but me" whore. The flick's fairly flawless. 

 
1.  The Avengers   10/10  Nailed it. THIS is what I want to feel every time I pay $50 for popcorn, soda, and Raisinets. What can I say that hasn't been said before? The most balanced movie I've ever seen, if you forget that Hawkeye is also sort of an Avenger. 

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Thoughts: Iron Fist, Episodes 6-13

Germar finalized his thoughts on the worst of Marvel's five series on Netflix. Enjoy-ish.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Thoughts: Iron Fist, Episodes 1-6



Germar has lots of thoughts about Marvel's Iron Fist on Netflix. Here, he presents them in vlog form. Enjoy.

Friday, March 17, 2017

I ain't got no type, until now

by Germar Derron

On a recent, unpublished podcast, I defined and designed my ideal mate. People often ask me, "what's your type?" I always respond, "I ain't got no type . . . ." Truly, I believed this. I've dated and even loved fat, short, tall, thin, athletes, cheerleaders, models, academics, emo, nerds, blacks, whites, long hair, bald heads, dropouts, lawyers, drug dealers, potheads, super-saved, atheists, country, city, etc, etc. I was wrong. Once I took some time and thought about it, I definitely have a type. She's out there somewhere, and hopefully she's reading.

Here she is, the woman of my dreams--her qualities--in order of importance from least to greatest. Nothing's a must, but by the end you'll know if I'm talking about you.

21. Wealth/Finances/Dollars/$$$$ I don't care. We could build together, or you can have half of whatever I have.

20. Career and Goals Do what you want; it's your life--but do something.

19. Ta-tas They matter much more to you than they do to me. Ironing boards or floppy mountains don't affect my love at all. But because I have to choose here, I could never complain about 34B to 36C, whatever that means.

18. Height "I ain't got no type." But tall women should wear the "more to love" crown. If you can catch some six-footer's legs, back, and neck and start kissing them . . . .  Settle in. It's everything you love about a person, but supersized. It's like being a kid and playing ball on a six foot hoop, and then one day realizing that men play on 10-foot hoops. That said, I'll stick around 5'6.5" because when she's in five inch stilettos, I'll still be taller in our Instagram selfies.

17. Hair Long hair don't care; short hair don't scare. From birth I dreamed of silky long strands. And then I had a couple of white girlfriends. That hair gets everywhere. And it gets sweaty and oily and it's always in the way, like in your mouth or nose or caught on your glasses. Short dos look better, but you can't really get a good grip on them. So, medium hair with a short hair look is magic.

16. Religion Do it or don't. Just don't be a dick about it--at all.

15. Health I thought about that thing that we think about. "What if she's in a wheelchair?" Doesn't matter. And I understand anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, PTSD, etc. But treatment is a must.

14. Age This is where I blow it every time. From 19-23 women look like they've always looked in my dreams. But dem iz babies--adolescents. It'll be a couple of years before they figure themselves out. Women 30 and up seem to have everything TOO figured out. Dating them is like trying to crack an egg, when you don't realize that the egg is actually a stone. 25-30 is post-college, pre-menopause and perfect for me--I think.

13. Race "Bad 'ladies' is the only thing that I like." I love all y'all, but she probably has to be black. No non-black SJW, critical race theorist, or other minority really understands the African-American experience like an African-American. We connect on a level that I still can't express. It may be energy or spiritual, but it's real. And every shade is beautiful, but a light milk chocolate is perfect.
J.D. Achille, with a tan, has a new stalker. ijk

12. Booty Ten years ago this would've been #1. I used to think bigger was better. I was wrong. Perfection is the lowercase b. Look at it. Round. Straight back. If I could stack a "p" on top of a "b" oowee. I'm a butt man.

11. Family My family didn't workout too well, so yours kinda needs to be Cosby-esque (without the off-screen raping). I quickly adopt my girl's family. Often, I end up with women from broken homes. It's something we bond over. And it's a recipe for disaster.

10. Kids I'd be a great father, if I had kids. I'm excited to struggle with a couple of mini-mes. I've dated women with children--the issues are obvious. I still check out my ex's daughter's social media. It's kinda creepy, but sad, because for two years, she was my daughter. Clean slates are awesome.

9. Academic/Artist/Athlete/Techie I'm all of these things. You should be at least one. If you're not, we'd have nothing in common Keisha, I mean hypothetically.

8. Intelligence I don't care about "IQ." But if you're not at least a 120, there'll be a lot of "I never thought of it that way" and "you over analyze" and "wowwww" and "you're so smart." You'll learn a lot and I'll be thinking, "*sigh* but she's so hot though."

7. Politics This means leaning left and caring about social issues related to poverty, race, justice, gender, and sex. The level of fine that fine would have to reach for me to date today's Republican . . . I don't think it exists yet.

6. Education You're wrong, it is everything. The life experience you got while we were in college--we got that too. But you can only experience the challenge of higher learning at the institution. Furthermore, the non-formally educated have not: gone through years of high level debate, gotten used to having their theories disassembled, been peer reviewed, or done it all full-time while working two jobs, starving, and tolerating three terrible roommates. It's not better, it's just different. Whatever you think you know, could be improved with just one course at NYU or Duke. I probably need a woman who's survived a private school, an Ivy, or two or three top-tier public programs.

5. Background/Culture I'm southern by birth, but my soul is SoCal. Most of the west and coasts fit my politics, palette, and preferences better than the southeast. If you think that: women belong in the kitchen; or I can't listen to rap on Sundays; or rain is Jesus's tears; or child abuse is child rearing; or sugar and fat make a meal; or Confederate flags are about anything but racism; or seeing the pastor is more important than seeing your children then we can't be friends.

4. Weight "I like what I like." But honestly, I'm 186lbs and oddly I keep getting older. In college, I lifted some super cute and very large ladies (tossed 'em right on my soft-side waterbed). Today, that's probably not happening. Before we go out, I have to do a lift test. Maybe I can bench 200, but I'm pretty sure I can bench 130.

3. Face While most guys drool over butts and breasts, I daydream about eyes and lips. Be pretty and the rest of this list disappears. It's exactly how "she who shall not be named" happened. Her lips and nose are exactly what I was taught to draw in art classes. Yes, it's a white standard of beauty and nearly impossible for my ideal mate. But fuller (big-o) lips and a longer wider schnauz work for me too. Eyes like almonds, a toothy smile, defined cheeks, chin, jaw, dimples . . . .

CD
Chanue Donald
2. Sense of Humor She has to realize that I'm the funniest person on the planet. That part usually works out. It's why I have fifty 'leven exes. She can be funny or not, but if she's not laughing at me something is seriously wrong.

1. Like Me The main thing I need is someone who likes me, like really really likes all of me. Maybe that's happened before, but they're married to other dudes (that they hate . . .). Many women have said "Germar, you're a lot" and they're right. And it's not necessarily a bad thing. I may dance on tables, spank some gay dudes, start a fight at a game, win an award for nonviolence, and spontaneously hop on a cross country flight. And I'll do it all within three hours. It's not a life for everyone. Apparently, it's not a life for anyone. But if it is the life for you, get at me.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Allda TV Shows

In Episode 319, Germar covers most of the TV shows you watch . . . or should be watching. The Magicians. Arrow. The Flash. The OA. Sense8. Supergirl. Between. The Returned. Travelers. Legends of Tomorrow. Legion. Rebels. #NOSPOILERS

Saturday, March 11, 2017

That's the Wine Talkin'

In Episode 317, Germar just left a winery and grabbed a mic. He covers: 1) popular terrible podcasts; 2) his temporary move to rural Indiana and totally unrelated racism; and 3) for the first time ever--everything trans (the T in LGBT). But first, he does the worst freestyle ever; getting old sucks. NSFW-ish.



Friday, March 3, 2017

The Top 30 Fast Food Items

You love lists and Look to the Cookie doesn't do enough of them. So here are the rankings and reasons for the Top 30 fast food items  as determined by the entire LTC staff and his friend Kim.

30.  McDonald's McRib 0/10 - We hated this sandwich, but obese, illiterate Americans love it. Mystery meat, pickles, onion, and a chemical rendering of barbecue flavoring. Plus it's named after a bone, shaped like bones, but boneless. GTFOH.

29.  KFC's Chicken Pot Pie ?/10 - Decent people don't know this exists. Yesterday's chicken product isn't thrown out, it fills this pie, and your stomach.

28.  McDonald's Hot Cakes 2/10 - Make pancakes. Put those pancakes in the refrigerator. A day or two later, overheat them in the microwave. Do they feel like rubber and taste like blandness? You're welcome. Stop buying these things--lazy ass.

27.  McDonald's Apple Pie 3/10 - Famous for these-type phrases: "y'all wanna add an apple pie for 50 cent?" Just stop. They were first and they did it worst. You don't have room for dessert and you don't need this.

26.  Long John Silver's Battered Fish 4/10 - No, it's not real seafood, but you pay $30 for slightly better at Red Lobster. Stop acting uppity and eat this delicious greasy food-ish product.

25.  Wendy's Frosty 4/10 - We all drank those little cartons of chocolate milk in elementary school. Did you know Wendy's distributes those to schools for free? They got you hooked early. They use the same near-chocolate flavoring in their frosty. Facts.

24.  Wendy's Spicy Chicken Nuggets 5.5/10 - They're good. And they were white meat before McDonald's. Dip them in honey mustard, but don't actually look at the meat.

23.  McDonald's Egg McMuffin 6/10 - That commercial is a lie. They do not crack eggs at McDonald's. 

22.  McDonald's Chicken McNuggets 6/10 - The original. They are perfect in most ways. Who came up with those shapes though? Whycome some look like a six and some look like how I draw a circle?   

21.  Subway's Cookies 6.5/10 - Be honest. They're not THAT good. You're just THAT fat.

20.  Burger King's Croissan' wich 6.5/10 - Buttery, flaky, greasy, and it smells like love. Every time I eat one my heart hurts so good. I'm actually dying. It's bad, but totally worth it twice a year.

19.  Church's Fried Chicken 6.5/10 - No herbs or spices, just grease and flour and cooked fresh all day long. Mmmmmmm.

18.  Krystal Burger 6.5/10 - Imagine a world where White Castle sliders were as good and addictive as people pretend they are. Now find I-95 or I-75, head south and eat like the gods.

17.  McDonald's Big Mac 6.5/10 - The mascot. The burger that showed America the way. You still don't understand the extra bread. Stop thinking about that and think about how delicious it is once it's soaked with "secret" sauce. 

16.  Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich 7/10 -  It's really about dat sauce. Without the sauce it's some dry ass, wet looking, roast brown piled on thin slices of cardboard. It's good doe!

15.  McDonald's Meat Biscuit 7/10 - It's not like grandma made, unless grandma based her biscuits recipe on lard over time. Sausage OR bacon--eggs and/or cheese. They're so damn delicious.

14.  Krystal Chik 7/10 - Make them make it fresh. It's the best slider money buys for under six dollars. 

13.  Checker's Fries 7.5/10 - Seasoned fries are just better. It's like cheating. Fries are already deep fried deliciousness, then someone decided to batter and spice them. They're the Patriots of fries.

12.  Chick-Fil-A's Lemonade 7.5/10 - It's far too sweet, so it's just right. Ice it up good. It's the only drink at any drive-thru that's better than Coca-Cola--occasionally.  

11.  Subway's Tuna Sub 7.5/10 - Who doesn't like tuna? Well, you're wrong. Toast it. Cheese it. Add bacon or cilantro.

10.  McDonald's Chocolate Chip Cookie 8/10 - Better than the best Subway cookies, and similarly priced. Get them warmed or "baked" fresh.

9.  Wendy's Double Stack 8/10 - Fresh never frozen makes a difference. It's a real burger, with real toppings, and it's cheap as hell. It's the best value burger since the 99 cents Whopper.

8.  Popeyes' Spicy Chicken 8/10 - The best bootleg Louisiana seasoning. When it's fresh, it's everything that fried chicken is supposed to be, and much better than anything you've fried at home.

7.  McDonald's Fries 8.5/10 - Don't eat 'em cold. Hopefully they're crispy. They're the face of the franchise and maybe the entire industry.

6.  Popeyes' Red Beans and Rice 8.5/10 - You won't find that rice on any grocery store shelf. And the beans are secretly just fat pellets. But they are the tastiest side in all of poor 'n fat fine dining.

5.  Burger King Whopper 8.5/10 - Have it your way. But don't go to the one in South LA with the bulletproof windows. Their food and service sucks.

4.  Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Doughnut 9/10 - The only item on the list with no nutritional value, so obviously it's one of the most delicious. Sweeter than sugar, and super fatty like you in five years. I'll take three with my orange juice.

3.  Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich 9.5/10 - This sandwich changed the game. It's best when it's so spicy that the tender white meat looks orange. 

2.  The Lubi 9.5/10 - You don't know this restaurant, or ground beef based hot sub because you haven't lived. They do one thing and they do it better than anyone does anything. Google it.

1.  Chick-Fil-A's Spicy Chicken Sandwich 10/10 - The original sandwich was perfect, yet they somehow improved it. Have you ever noticed that the bread is buttery? Always squeeze the mayo. I dip mine in honey mustard and Chick-Fil-A sauce.

Top 50 (actually 30 - 1) Fast Food Items

In Episode 316 Germar welcomes Kim, a mom, to the podcast. They steal a great idea from theRinger.com, and do a much better job of ranking the top 50 fast food items. They agree on very little and Kim only likes terrible things. She said things like, "McDonald's frappe is better than Starbucks." But their list is overall far less elitist; it's restaurants you've actually heard of, and items you actually eat. Come back to the site and check the article to see the final standings. Coby Persin and Hi-Rez on the intro. NSFW

Monday, February 27, 2017

Get OUT, Moonlight Won?!?!?

In Episode 315, Germar covers Moonlight's plot, importance and accuracy, and provides an alternative take. He also briefly reviews Get Out. And because he can't stay on topic, there is Hidden Figures, Stephen Amell, and ex-girlfriend talk. #OscarsSoBLACK. WE DID IT!

Sunday, February 26, 2017

10 Reasons "Get Out" is Real Life

by Germar Derron


1. We really are nervous around you. Hell is awkwardly navigating an infinite soiree where you're the only black attendee. You're alone. You feel guilty, even when you've done nothing wrong. Actually, it's more like everyone's suspicious of you, but you don't know why. What's the crime? I don't know, but I'm definitely the culprit.

2. You talk to us in stereotypes. "I bet your grandmother has a great recipe for fried chicken." "Your legs look strong. Did you run track?" "Well, you're dating my daughter now; a big black guy like you--I hope you take it easy." "Invite your homies; I'm down with it dog."

3. Cops do hate us. The realest scene of the movie plays out like it often does irl. First, a cop shows up. Then, that cop makes demands of the black person who happens to be present. Next, that black person complies. They've seen this movie, and know it well, including the alternate endings. Finally, the privileged white friend (much to the chagrin of their darkie bud) in an irritating, irritated, and elevated voice throws out terms inapplicable to us like "rights," "lawyer," and "done nothing wrong."

4. Nobody believes us. We know when weird racist shit is going down. And before we can begin to present our case, y'all dismiss, lawl, smirk, shrug, and present more rational explanations. Then, cops kill a record number of unarmed black people. Lastly, some white lady, HuffPost contributor writes a piece that says "may be some weird racist shit going down."  

5. We adapt to fit into your idea of proper or normal. Wypipo can only digest dark meat that's well done, and super bland. They love Ivy League education, bow ties, enunciation, three-piece suits on a hot afternoon, and other ridiculous standards. Hopefully, one day they'll learn that a dope ass vernacular, bright clothing, and Louisiana Hot Sauce have no relation to crime, intelligence, or a warm heart.
6. You want our friends and they want you. Am I your first black boyfriend? Is it a fetish? Are you thirsty for more? My niggas usually hate my girl, but they LOVE hanging out with you. Whycome?
7. When we go white, we "get what we deserve." Cops, mothers, fathers, best friends . . . . Once you go white, you're on your own. They don't care about your heartbreak, allegations, or complications. That's what you get (when you let your heart win). Before you dial 911, make sure y'alls skins match.

8. We wonder if you ever really have our black backs. At some point, racist uncle Jimmy will show his racist ass. Will you fight on my behalf or nah? Spoiler Alert. Is the white girlfriend in on it, or just really fucking stupid? Of COURSE she's in on it. And now I quote one of my favorites from a white gf about her racist ass family: "they're still my family."

9. We know it's not your fault. SPOILER ALERT. In the film, those white devils were also victims. That hatred, that superiority complex isn't present at birth; it's programmed into you. And if it's programmed, there's a programmer. Fuck that guy.

10. In the end, we all we got. Another spoiler. At the end of the day, the black man was saved by his best black friend. The one person that warned--listened, trusted, cared--and fought was the guy from his hood, with a similar skin condition. And even after all these years, every black woman I've ever dated checks up on me. Every homeboy became my dawg, brother, homie, pahtnah, and bruh. Them others, ummmmmm *crickets*.

 
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