Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Hungry Holiday Hell - July 4, 2018

by Germar Derron

Below you can read the uncensored, totally true, text-diary of today's Fourth of July tomfoolery. To be fair, this was a grand opening. But - but . . . . Single-man, family-less, quasi-friendless holidays are already the worst--then this happens. And yes, I have a couple of invites, but I'm wiped out.

No, I did nothing to deserve this. And yes, "Ex #11" enjoys these text-diary deliveries.


12:45  So I did decided to try this new soul food place - kinda busy, but not too bad

12:57  Friend from work here. I sat with him

12:57  He's done

12:57  Said it was really good

12:58  They're already out of almost everything

12:58  I've been here for 15 mins and no one has taken my order

12:58  That kinda black music you like is blasting, Y'know, the song came out last year but it only plays on oldies stations.

12:59  It's like a family thing so a bunch a Lil kids out here dunno what's going on. Tryna serve.

1:01  Almost all white people here

1:04  Still haven't taken my order

1:04  I haven't eaten today

1:04  Headache

1:07  In over his head teen boy took my order after "momma" yelled at him

1:07  Grandma just came out the kitchen to snap on some white folk

1:08  Another black lady commiserating wit meh

1:11  Gospel blasting . . .  Scripture all over the wall

1:13  I got watermelon kool-aid - maybe

1:13  Lil girl here looks like slightly older version of your daughter - toothpick

1:14  Cash only but they ain't post it or tell anyone

1:14  It's an unsurprising disaster

1:14  She's actually much older

1:15  I can't call it; black don't crack

1:15  Lotta kids just standing around (workers?)

1:17  A dude just paid - no tax or tip - maybe later?   

1:20  10 minute wait on chicken

1:20  More mature [your daughter] just talked to me

1:21  They even have the same teeth

1:33  They never brought my drink

1:34  They just brought two legs

1:34  He promised a breast-wing quarter

1:34  I have no food still

1:34  And I told them bring the other food, I'll wait on chicken

1:35  They did not

1:35  Then they bring an ounce of mac and two legs

1:36  She is younger but the most helpful

1:38  Lady behind me has the same complaints

1:38  She got a leg

1:39  Playing old Kirk Franklin albums now

1:40  They don't refill drinks

1:41  Ate my dessert

1:41  Strawberry shortcake; it was horrible

1:42  dry, store bought, few strawberries, and a Lil whip cream

1:42  There's only been four or five tables here the entire time

1:43  800 kids just came in through the back door

1:43  I still have no drink

1:44  I'm jittery

1:45  I think I might die here

1:45  I convinced myself to support black owned

1:45  We always regret it don't we

1:45  They ran out of everything . . . again

1:45  I think this tattooed brunette is checking me out

1:45  I caught her

1:46  Now she's making sure not to look at me

1:46  People just got here now have their food

1:46  I've been here over an hour

1:47  Black ladies say tea not sweet..  Tastes like water

1:48  I just heard them yelling in the back about my fried chicken

Ex #11

1:49  Omg

1:49  That's horrible


1:49  Nobody's order is right and they didn't like the food

1:49  The white people seem to like it

1:50  I've been here over an hour and everybody eating but me

1:50  Uh oh . . . take out orders wrong

Ex #11

1:50  It's always a crapshoot going to a soul food restaurant. And black folks just can't get right.


1:50  Still no drink

Ex #11

1:51  This gonna be a FB story?


1:51  I'm just writing to publish this later.

1:51  Ltc

1:51  Putting something this long on FB?

1:51  Maybe tumblr

1:52  The kids are now doing a dance routine in the front

1:52  So hard for me not to leave

1:52  I was pulling for [this place].  Now I want them to fail.

1:53  She actually asked the last table for tips. It was so weird

1:53  Lady just came out of the kitchen and yelled that they don't have breasts; I guess that was meant for me.

1:54  They're dancing down the aisle to gospel.

1:55  I'm getting sick now.

1:55  I think I have to go.

1:56  The dude that messed up my order is eating in the back.

1:59  I left

2:00  I won't go back

2:08  I'm at Outback

2:10  The waitress here is mad that I'm here

2:11  She's crying. I don't know why.

2:11  But again I'm trying to be cool.

2:12  I think maybe she's mad that she's getting tables or maybe tables of one but she's having a complete breakdown.

2:12  She can't even talk

2:12  Could not get her name out

2:14  I still don't have a drink

2:16  She's having a complete meltdown

2:16  WTF is going on today

2:17  Got some water and bread though

2:17  Bread is stone cold

Ex #11

2:18  Jesus Germar


2:47  Full. Had a burger and Coke. Feeling better. She kinda apologized and said she's not charging me for the Coke.

2:48  She apologized thrice. Apparently she was just overwhelmed. Thanked me for my patience.

Ex #11

3:25  Glad you got some food in ya.


3:26  And she gave me a Coke for the road. I gave her a $5 tip on a $10 meal.

6:30  Don't text me. Writing Story.

7:05  Done.


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