Sunday, February 4, 2018

Power Rankings: Current Live Action DC and Marvel Superheroes (Vol. 4) [UPDATED: 2/4/18]

You love lists and Look to the Cookie doesn't do enough of them. This began as a way to highlight all DC and Marvel superheroes that are racial minorities, in current live-action productions (already aired or premiered, character living). We've expanded that list to include all superheroes, in a power rankings' format. 

To determine the rankings of the biggest characters, in these rival companies, we rated them based on: 1) Portrayal (actor's performance, how well written, how well directed); 2) Power (invulnerability trumps gadgets which trumps black belt in taekwondo); Percentage (time on screen, starring roles, production named for character). Each category received a number rating from 0-10. A perfect overall score would equal 30.


Generally, here, a superhero is someone who: 1) does good deeds; and 2) has a superpower, access to gadgets unavailable to the general public, or has fighting skill above that of top real-world martial artists.


Though this list is purposed for entertainment, it is also a microcosm of our current (ongoing) class and racial divide--and the disagreement over that divide. First, of all the characters, women are only about 30% of the list, not 50%. Minorities make up about 33% of this list, which is a perfect representation of our country. But, as the list climbs, it becomes more white and more masculine. Even though people of color exist in optimal numbers, they don't exist in optimal positions. If not for Luke Cage . . . . Well, just read the list. [as of this update, things have improved with Runaways, Inhumans, and Black Lightning]


Oh, and Rocket Raccoon is not a superhero, or a raccoon apparently.



The Bad, The Old, The Blacks, and The Gays

102. Jubilee - Portrayal: 4  Power: 1  Percentage: 2 (7)
The trailers showed promise, but the movie showed her . . . at some point?

101. Wildcat - Portrayal: 7  Power: 2  Percentage: 2 (11)
His story was grounded, just like that ground and pound that likely ended his vigilante career for good.

100. Triton  - Portrayal: 5  Power: 4  Percentage: 3 (12)
So, we were supposed to believe that a fish-man can't swim? OK.
99. Gorgon - Portrayal: 2  Power: 4  Percentage: 7 (13)
Jive-talking strong black man that hits on white ladies. #Progressive.


98. Arsenal Portrayal: 8.5  Power: 3  Percentage: 2 (13.5)
I never bought tiny Abercrombie as a badass, but his flaws made him relatable.

97. Jay Garrick - Portrayal: 4.6  Power: 7.6  Percentage: 3 (15.2) 
The real Garrick is old, carries a gut, and looks a lot like Barry's father. 


96. Katana - Portrayal: 6.7  Power: 5  Percentage: 4 (15.7)

I'm pretty sure she was in Suicide Squad, but I wouldn't bet on it.


95. Medusa Portrayal: 7  Power: 2  Percentage: 6.9 (15.9)
"Her hair is her power." "Cool. Cut it off." "What?" "Cut it off." "It's her only thing." "I see your point. But I don't see your scissors . . . ."

94.  Mr. Terrific - Portrayal: 5  Power: 5  Percentage: 6 (16)
Tall, awkward and out-of-shape, but someone needs to do the tech stuff when Olicity is on the fritz.

93. KarnakPortrayal: 5  Power: 4  Percentage: 7 (16)
He has one job and couldn't do that for the entire season . . . .

92. Nick Fury - Portrayal: 7  Power: 5  Percentage: 4 (16)
Fury was a true superhero . . . until he ran from the Winter Soldier while crying from that one eye.

91. Captain Cold - Portrayal: 7  Power: 5  Percentage: 4 (16)
How does anyyyoone takkke him ssseriouslyyyy when he talkkkks like thattttt?

90. Hawkeye Portrayal: 6.9  Power: 3.5  Percentage: 6  (16.4)
No one cares that he has a family. If he disappeared for half of a film, we'd never notice.


89. Gypsy - Portrayal: 8  Power: 6.5  Percentage: 2 (16.5)
Yes, she's too fine for Cisco.

88. Hawkman Portrayal: 6  Power: 6.5  Percentage: 4 (16.5)

Rapey.


87. The Ray - Portrayal: 7  Power: 7.7  Percentage: 2 (16.7)
Gay Ray.
86. Jesse Quick - Portrayal: 4  Power: 1  Percentage: 2 (16.7)

"We had a thing and it was great. Really, it was, but I have to go to another earth . . . again . . . because I . . . LOOK OVER THERE *zzzoom*."

85. Crystal - Portrayal: 5  Power: 5  Percentage: 6 (17)
"I like have really, really cool powers, but like have you seen my awesome dog?"
84. Heimdall - Portrayal: 7  Power: 8  Percentage: 2 (17)
He's black.

83. War Machine - Portrayal: 7  Power: 7  Percentage: 3 (17)
Reverse Michael Jackson.

82. Wild Dog - Portrayal: 9  Power: 1.5  Percentage: 6.5 (17)
       "I'm angry and I ain't scared of nobody and I'm Latino!" 



80.  Spartan - Portrayal: 8  Power: 1.5  Percentage: 8 (17.5)

"Oliver!" "Family, MAN." "My brother." *shoots gun*



79. White Canary - Portrayal: 6  Power: 3.5  Percentage: 8 (17.5)

"So, now there's a fifth Black Canary? So, like, I never really needed to die. I could have just stayed on the show? Cooooooooooooooooooooooool."

78. Black Bolt Portrayal: 5  Power: 6  Percentage: 6.7 (17.7)
"Careless Whispers"



77. Hogun Portrayal: 6  Power: 6.9  Percentage: 4.9 (17.8)

"We saved my entire realm. Really, that happened. I matter dammit!"

76.  Guardian - Portrayal: 6.5  Power: 6  Percentage: 5.5 (18)
"Soooo I'm not having sex with Supergirl? Y'all just gonna pass me over for the goofy new frat bro whitey. Okay. Okay. Nah. I'm cool."



75. Mon-El Portrayal: 6  Power: 8  Percentage: 4 (18)

"So I get to bang every girl on the show AND Supergirl? Sweet bro."

74.  Falcon - Portrayal: 8  Power: 6  Percentage: 4 (18)
Black on black crime perp.

73.  Colleen Wing - Portrayal: 9  Power: 1  Percentage: 8 (18)
Don't have sex with Danny. You're better than that.

72. Heatwave Portrayal: 7  Power: 4.5  Percentage: 6.5 (18)

grunt. growl. beer. 

71.  Hawkgirl - Portrayal: 6.3  Power: 6.3  Percentage: 5.5 (18.1)
A classic tale: An African princess falls into eternal love with an awkward short white servant. But, she learns to move on and find her very own Prince Charming--an awkward tall white dude with dark hair, reminiscent of a Clark Kent type. They live happily ever after . . . in the 1950s.

70. Gert - Portrayal: 9  Power: 3  Percentage: 6.5 (18.5)
How many people did that dinosaur eat when she left it in the woods?

69. Gamora - Portrayal: 6  Power: 6.5  Percentage: 6.1 (18.6) 
Not She-Hulk, but Star-Lord would "smash."

The Diverse Middle-Class Neighborhood

68. Dinah Drake - Portrayal: 6.3  Power: 6.4  Percentage: 6 (18.7)

And on the fifth attempt, God created Sexy Canary and the church said, "AMEN!"

67. Superman (DCTV) - Portrayal: 8  Power: 9  Percentage: 2 (19)
You got beat by a girl!

66. Rip Hunter - Portrayal: 7  Power: 5  Percentage: 7 (19)
Secretly partnering with Flash to destroy lives since the beginning of this timeline.

65. Cyclops - Portrayal: 5  Power: 7  Percentage: 7 (19)
Is Cyclops III: 1) related to the other Cyclopsis, or 2) related to Havok, or 3) interesting? Choose one.

64. Cyborg Portrayal: 5.5  Power: 7.1  Percentage: 6.5 (19.1)
You have one question. I have the answer. He has no penis.

63. Black Widow - Portrayal: 8.8  Power: 4  Percentage: 6.6 (19.4)
Is she still Russian? And no that is not code for something sexual.

62. Mystique - Portrayal: 7  Power: 5.6  Percentage: 7 (19.6)
Academy Award-winning actor out-acted by a fashion model . . . .

61. Valkyrie - Portrayal: 8.5  Power: 7.3  Percentage: 4 (19.8)
Also black.

60. Speedy - Portrayal: 9  Power: 3.9  Percentage: 7 (19.9)
Still the best thing about this show . . . and my dreams.


59. Ptonomy Wallace - Portrayal: 8  Power: 6.2  Percentage: 5.5 (19.7)
Captain Cool. 

58. Lauren Strucker Portrayal: 6.5  Power: 6  Percentage: 7.5 (20)
Strucker Spice

57. [Commander or Citizen] Steel - Portrayal: 6  Power: 7  Percentage: 7 (20)

Commander Clingy.

56. Mantis - Portrayal: 8.3  Power: 5.9  Percentage: 6  (20.2)

She definitely put me to sleep.

55. Blink Portrayal: 7.9  Power: 6.5  Percentage: 6 (20.4)
182

54. Thunderbird - Portrayal: 6.5  Power: 7  Percentage: 7 (20.5)
stereotype

53. Chase - Portrayal: 8.5 Power: 5  Percentage: 7 (20.5)
"still had sex"

52. Jean Grey - Portrayal: 5  Power: 8.9  Percentage: 7 (20.8)

Queen of X-steros.

51. Daredevil - Portrayal: 7  Power: 3.9  Percentage: 10 (20.9)

"Father forgive me for I have sinned. Wait, do you really not have to tell the cops anything?"

50. Storm - Portrayal: 6  Power: 8  Percentage: 7 (21)
More like a natural disaster.
49. Constantine - Portrayal: 7  Power: 7  Percentage: 7  (21)
Dr. Bro, Sexy Sorcerer

48. Green Arrow - Portrayal: 7  Power: 4  Percentage: 10 (21)
"I'm Batman."

47. Firestorm - Portrayal: 7  Power: 7  Percentage: 7 (21)
Eb-o-ny and i-vo-ry live together in per-fect har-mo-ny.

46. Elongated ManPortrayal: 9  Power: 6.1  Percentage: 6 (21.1)
Obviously couldn't afford Plastic Man.

45. Vixen - Portrayal: 8  Power: 6.5  Percentage: 6.7 (21.2)

"I run as fast as a cheetah . . . and there goes Flash, and Kid Flash, and Zoom, and Jay, and Jesse Quick . . . ." "I'm as strong as a bear . . . ."

44. Atom - Portrayal: 6.6 Power: 7.7 Percentage: (21.3)

'Member when you faked your death because you caught girl your girl doing Green Arrow? 'Member that? No, we don't talk about that.

43. Nico Portrayal: 9  Power: 5.5  Percentage: 7 (21.5)
Bi-bi black guy?

42. Drax - Portrayal: 8  Power: 7.5  Percentage: 6 (21.5) 
Strong green person #4.

41. KarolinaPortrayal: 8.5  Power: 6  Percentage: 7.1 (21.6)
We never had a chance. *tears*


40. Agent Coulson - Portrayal: 10  Power: 2.5  Percentage: 9.2 (21.7) 
"Sssssoooo I can't hang with the Avengers anymore huh? Cool. NO, really it's cool. I've been really really busy. But if they need like a tactical strategic mastermind who avoids destroying cities, maybe call Phil."

39. Negasonic Teenage Warhead - Portrayal: 10  Power: 7  Percentage: 5 (22)

*snark* *explosion*

38. Aquaman Portrayal: 6  Power: 7.5  Percentage: 8.5 (22)
"brah" "dood" "cool" 

37. Iron Fist Portrayal: 4.9  Power: 7.1  Percentage: 10 (22)

"I am the Immortal Iro-" SHUT UP ALREADY! "Protector of-" NOTHING. YOU FAILED. YOU PROTECT NOTHING. [insert talented Asian actor here]

36. Syd Barrett Portrayal: 8  Power: 5  Percentage: 9 (22)
You know that when you use your power, everyone looks at you naked first right? Just sayin'.

35. Sif Portrayal: 8.9  Power: 8  Percentage: 5.5 (22.4)

Almost Wonder Woman.

34. EclipsePortrayal: 8.3  Power: 7  Percentage: 7.1 (22.4)
"Yes, my ex is really hot."

33. MollyPortrayal: 9.9  Power: 5.9  Percentage: 6.7 (22.5)
deportation without representation

32. Andy Strucker - Portrayal: 6.7  Power: 8.3  Percentage: 7.5 (22.5)
Revenge of the Nerd

31. Vibe - Portrayal: 8  Power: 6.5  Percentage: 8 (22.5)
Super nerd.


30. Scarlet Witch - Portrayal: 8  Power: 8.7  Percentage: 5.9 (22.6)

Robot f--ker.

Power and Privilege: The Rich and White

29. Punisher - Portrayal: 9  Power: 4  Percentage: 10 (23)

He took Daredevil's city, his show, and his girl.

28. Colossus - Portrayal: 9.6  Power: 8.6  Percentage: 5 (23.2) 

Don't question it. The timeline changed.

27. Martian Manhunter - Portrayal: 7  Power: 9.5  Percentage: 7 (23.5)

#WhiteLivesMatter

26. Groot - Portrayal: 9.5  Power: 8  Percentage: 9 (23.5)
"Actually, I am not Groot. Your primitive aural receptors and meager brains cannot accurately interpret the sound produced by my vocal tri-folds. But I digress . . . often. My name is actually {}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}. It's a very common name on my home planet--akin to your Michael or Smith. I AM {}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}! That feels good."

25. Hulk - Portrayal: 6.7  Power: 9.3  Percentage: 7.5  (23.5)

"Yes, if I hook up with Black Widow, as Banner and get too excited, she dies. Widow guts everywhere."

24. Ant-Man - Portrayal: 7  Power: 7  Percentage: 9.5 (23.5)

One of these heroes is not like the others.

23. Batman - Portrayal: 9.5  Power: 6.6  Percentage: 7.5 (23.6)

"Invulnerable alien, goddess, super speed, king of the seven seas, alien-enhanced cybernetic . . . . I have an AmEx Black, hmph."

22. Polaris Portrayal: 8.5  Power: 8.3  Percentage: 7.1 (23.9)
Magnetress.


21.  Quake - Portrayal: 6.9  Power: 8  Percentage: 9 (23.9)

"So Hawkeye's an Avenger, but I slum it on ABC? Not cool guys."

20.  Black Lightning - Portrayal: 7  Power: 7  Percentage: 10 (24)
One for the streets . . .
19.  Ghost Rider - Portrayal: 9.5  Power: 9  Percentage: 5.5 (24)
"Since I saved the series, do I get like a promotion or something? Awkward, yeah, I know, but pretty sure it wasn't canceled because . . . yeeaahh meeee . . . twice . . . ssooo . . . Netflix? Thanos? What's next?"

18.  Kid Flash - Portrayal: 8  Power: 8  Percentage: 8 (24)
Well, at least they don't call me "boy."

17. Star-Lord - Portrayal: 9  Power: 7  Percentage: 8  (24)

"So my dad cheated on my mom . . . a LOT . . . and then he killed her . . . because he loved her. And I'm just supposed to be okay with this? Yep, nnnoooo issues here."

16. Luke Cage - Portrayal: 5  Power: 9  Percentage: 10 (24)
Cornball Coffee 

15. Flash - (DCEU) - Portrayal: 8  Power: 8  Percentage: 8.5 (24.5)
Now with caffeine.
13. Deadpool - Portrayal: 8.5  Power: 6.9  Percentage: 10 (25.4)
"It's not that Colossus's balls were made of steel. They weren't there! He has no genitalia down there. He's a seven-foot tin Ken doll. And he kicked my ass."

12. Wonder Woman - Portrayal: 6.5  Power: 9.1  Percentage: 10 (25.6)
Wonder Woman, Warrior Princess

11. David Haller - Portrayal: 7  Power: 9  Percentage: 10 (26)
I'm the dude playing the other dude beside the dude that looks like a girl, with another dude inside of him.

10. Flash - Portrayal: 7.5  Power: 8.5  Percentage: 10 (26)
"Hold up guys. Last year the bad guy was our new friend. The year before that, same thing. If we get a new friend this year, let's lock him up immediately in our illegal futuristic prison and save a lot of lives, yeah?"

9.  Jessica Jones - Portrayal: 9  Power: 7  Percentage: 10 (26)
"I don't do lists."

8.  Professor X - Portrayal: 9.5  Power: 8  Percentage: 9 (26.5)
"Mystique isn't my biological sister. Technically, she could be anyone. The mansion gets lonely. I don't see anything wrong with it."

7.  Captain America - Portrayal: 9.9  Power: 6.9  Percentage: 9.8 (26.6)
Next time he holds that shield up and walks through a hail of bullets, one of you shoot his legs. That thing's not a bullseye. You're welcome.

6.  Spider-Man - Portrayal: 8.5  Power: 8.5  Percentage: 10 (27)
Well, you know what they say, "third time's a dud."

5.  Supergirl - Portrayal: 9.5  Power: 8  Percentage: 9 (27.6)
Superman's villains, Superman's allies, Superman's job, Superman appearances, but she's doing things her way.
4.  Thor - Portrayal: 8.8  Power: 9  Percentage: 10 (27.8)
Don't worry dude, this time Loki for sure will not betray you.

3.  Doctor Strange - Portrayal: 9  Power: 9  Percentage: 10 (28) 

3.  Doctor Strange - Portrayal: 9  Power: 9  Percentage: 10 (28) 

3.  Doctor Strange - Portrayal: 9  Power: 9  Percentage: 10 (28) 

2.  Superman (DCEU) - Portrayal: 9  Power: 9.5  Percentage: 9.9 (28.4)
"I never much liked my Earth dad. He was terrible in The Untouchables."

1.  Iron Man - Portrayal: 10  Power: 8.7  Percentage: 10 (28.7)
Tony Stank


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