Sunday, September 24, 2017

Power Rankings: Current Live Action DC and Marvel Superheroes (Vol. 1)

You love lists and Look to the Cookie doesn't do enough of them. This began as a way to highlight all DC and Marvel superheroes that are racial minorities, in current live-action productions (already aired or premiered, character living). We've expanded that list to include all superheroes, in a power rankings format. 

To determine the rankings of the biggest characters, in these rival companies, we rated them based on: 1) Portrayal (actor's performance, how well written, how well directed); 2) Power (invulnerability trumps gadgets which trumps black belt in taekwondo); Percentage (time on screen, starring roles, production named for character). Each category received a number rating from 0-10. A perfect overall score would equal 30.

Generally, here, a superhero is someone who: 1) does good deeds; and 2) has a superpower, access to gadgets unavailable to the general public, or has fighting skill above that of top real-world martial artists.

Though this list is purposed for entertainment, it is also a microcosm of our current (ongoing) class and racial divide--and the disagreement over that divide. First, of all the characters, women are only about 30% of the list, not 50%. Minorities make up about 33% of this list, which is a perfect representation of our country. But, as the list climbs, it becomes more white and more masculine. Even though people of color exist in optimal numbers, they don't exist in optimal positions. If not for Luke Cage . . . . Well, just read the list.

Oh, and Rocket Raccoon is not a superhero, or a raccoon apparently.

The Bad, The Old, The Blacks, and The Gays

76. Jubilee - Portrayal: 4  Power: 1  Percentage: 2 (7)
The trailers showed promise, but the movie showed her . . . at some point?

75. Wildcat - Portrayal: 7  Power: 2  Percentage: 2 (11)
His story was grounded, just like that ground and pound that likely ended his vigilante career for good.

74. Arsenal Portrayal: 8.5  Power: 3  Percentage: 2 (13.5)

I never bought tiny Abercrombie as a badass, but his flaws made him relatable.

73. Jay GarrickPortrayal: 4.6  Power: 7.6  Percentage: 3 (15.2)

The real Garrick is old, carries a gut, and looks a lot like Barry's father. 

72. Katana - Portrayal: 6.7  Power: 5  Percentage: 4 (15.7)

I'm pretty sure she was in Suicide Squad, but I wouldn't bet on it.

71.  Mr. Terrific - Portrayal: 5  Power: 5  Percentage: 6 (16)
Tall, awkward and out-of-shape, but someone needs to do the tech stuff when Olicity is on the fritz.

70. Nick Fury - Portrayal: 7  Power: 5  Percentage: 4 (16)
Fury was a true superhero . . . until he ran from the Winter Soldier while crying from that one eye.

69. Captain Cold - Portrayal: 7  Power: 5  Percentage: 4 (16)
How does anyyyoone takkke him ssseriouslyyyy when he talkkkks like thattttt?

68. Hawkeye Portrayal: 6.9  Power: 3.5  Percentage: 6  (16.4)

No one cares that he has a family. If he disappeared for half of a film, we'd never notice.
67. Gypsy - Portrayal: 8  Power: 6.5  Percentage: 2
Yes, she's too fine for Cisco.

66. Hawkman Portrayal: 6  Power: 6.5  Percentage: 4 (16.5)

Rapey.

65. Jesse QuickPortrayal: 4  Power: 1  Percentage: 2 (16.7)
"We had a thing and it was great. Really, it was, but I have to go to another earth . . . again . . . because I . . . LOOK OVER THERE *zzzoom*."

64. Heimdall - Portrayal: 7  Power: 8  Percentage: 2 (17)
He's black.

63. War Machine - Portrayal: 7  Power: 7  Percentage: 3 (17)
Reverse Michael Jackson.

62. Wild Dog - Portrayal: 9  Power: 1.5  Percentage: 6.5 (17)
       "I'm angry and I ain't scared of nobody and I'm Latino!" 

61.  Spartan - Portrayal: 8  Power: 1.5  Percentage: 8 (17.5)
"Oliver!" "Family, MAN." "My brother." *shoots gun*

60. White Canary - Portrayal: 6  Power: 3.5  Percentage: 8 (17.5)

"So, now there's a fifth Black Canary? So, like, I never really needed to die. I could have just stayed on the show? Cooooooooooooooooooooooool."

59. Hogun Portrayal: 6  Power: 6.9  Percentage: 4.9 (17.8)

"We saved my entire realm. Really, that happened. I matter dammit!"

58.  Guardian - Portrayal: 6.5  Power: 6  Percentage: 5.5 (18)
"Soooo I'm not having sex with Supergirl? Y'all just gonna pass me over for the goofy new frat bro whitey. Okay. Okay. Nah. I'm cool."

57. Mon-El Portrayal: 6  Power: 8  Percentage: 4 (18)

"So I get to bang every girl on the show AND Supergirl? Sweet bro."

56.  Falcon - Portrayal: 8  Power: 6  Percentage: 4 (18)
Black on black crime perp.

55.  Colleen Wing - Portrayal: 9  Power: 1  Percentage: 8 (18)
Don't have sex with Danny. You're better than that.

54. Heatwave Portrayal: 7  Power: 4.5  Percentage: 6.5 (18)

grunt. growl. beer. 
53.  Hawkgirl - Portrayal: 6.3  Power: 6.3  Percentage: 5.5 (18.1)
A classic tale: An African princess falls into eternal love with an awkward short white servant. But, she learns to move on and find her very own Prince Charming--an awkward tall white dude with dark hair, reminiscent of a Clark Kent type. They live happily ever after . . . in the 1950s.
52. Gamora - Portrayal: 6  Power: 6.5  Percentage: 6.1 
Not She-Hulk, but Star-Lord would "smash."

COME BACK FOR VOL. 2
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